This is not going to be easy. Writing this will be an emotional roller coaster. I rarely share my inner thoughts and feelings with people because, as a man, you’re not supposed to share them. However, writing down my feelings here is an exception and a perfect outlet to let things flow out of me and into this post. So, here it goes.
All my life I had to fight. I had to fight the people whom were always criticizing everything I do in life. I always knew I was different. The way I do things was not like most normal Kuwaiti guys do. I couldn’t relate with my community because I felt so foreign. Being born with mixed race has always been a special gift. However, in my early years, some people were not understanding and kind towards me. They used to make fun of me because I was not fully Kuwaiti. Back then, it had a huge impact in the way I lived my life. I had to stray away from regular Kuwaities and surround myself with other nationalities because I felt like I belonged with them. It also had a huge strain on the way I communicate with my father. He always wanted a traditional Kuwaiti son; a son that hangs out with other Kuwaiti guys, plays football, attends diwaniyas and speaks arabic fluently. But, I knew I couldn’t be all that because everything that I am today is due to the fact that I am not just a son of a Kuwaiti man. I am more than that.
I know some of you might be thinking; what’s this got to with Gavin DeGraw?. Well, he is my escape; my home away from home. I first knew about him when I was 16-17 years old while watching an American TV series called “One Tree Hill”. When I heard his song “Chariot”, I immediately got drawn to his melodic voice. I loved how his emotions were oozing out of the song. Shortly thereafter, I went online,googled him and listened to all of his songs. One particular song made me love Gavin DeGraw and that was ” I Don’t Want To Be”. The lyrics were the story of my life. It felt like it was written for me. I related to that song. Day by day, I grew to respect him as an artist and as a human being. Now, as an adult, I still go back to that day when I first listened to my favorite song and think of the lyrics:
I don’t want to be
Anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do
Is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ’round rooms
Wondering what I’ve got to do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me
Now you know a little piece of my past. I’ve added my favorite Gavin DeGraw songs on my playlist and I hope you enjoy them.